Punxsutawny Phil Indicted in Ohio

Failed prognosticator Punxsutawny Phil has been indicted in Ohio and could face the death penalty.  On February 2nd, the famed groundhog predicted an early spring.  Amid snow flurries this morning I decided to organize a posse to visit the western Pennsylvania community where rumor has it the lying rodent is holed up.  According to this press account the weasel is protected by a police station next door to Gobblers Knob.  There must be a Dunkin Donuts near by (they’re everywhere after all) so let’s grab a few dozen donuts and distract the cops, grab the lying bastard and take him to Ohio to face justice.