Punxsutawny Phil Indicted in Ohio

Failed prognosticator Punxsutawny Phil has been indicted in Ohio and could face the death penalty.  On February 2nd, the famed groundhog predicted an early spring.  Amid snow flurries this morning I decided to organize a posse to visit the western Pennsylvania community where rumor has it the lying rodent is holed up.  According to this press account the weasel is protected by a police station next door to Gobblers Knob.  There must be a Dunkin Donuts near by (they’re everywhere after all) so let’s grab a few dozen donuts and distract the cops, grab the lying bastard and take him to Ohio to face justice.

Obituary: Punxsutawny Phil

At Gobblers Knob February 2nd Punxsutawny Phil predicted an early spring.  Today as snow fell across Pennsylvania he was put to death as part of a right of spring.  The groundhog was long regaled as a noted weather forecaster.  His absolute failure in 2013 rubbed people the wrong way and a lynch mob, bundled up in winter clothes against the cold chill, climbed the Knob this morning and captured the rodent.  Phil lived regally in the home on Gobblers Knob for a number of years and came out every February 2nd to predict the weather.  Thousands of people attended the event annually and his predictions garnered national media attention.  His untimely death is being celebrated by many as the official start of spring approaches Wednesday with snow still falling.

Phil Gets A Reprieve

I’ve been worried about announcing this for a few days out of fear it might jinx the nice weather so here goes:  I hereby grant Punxsutawny Phil a stay of execution.  As you all will recall I was preparing to spit roast the little creature due to his prediction of six more weeks of winter and the resulting tons of snow which came our way.  I will say it is amazing what a groundhog can do when you hold their feet to the flames.  Just today I saw a convertible with its top down, a man in shorts and people working in their yards.  Maybe we should do this more often to our elected Representatives since it works so well with rodents.  This is only a stay of execution.  Another snowstorm means I fire up the grill once more…