A Quacked-Up Strategy to Stop Terrorism

by Walter Brasch

Just about everyone has an opinion of what President Obama should do about the ISIS threat in Iraq. Many of the suggestions have come from the architects of America’s latest invasion of Iraq who claimed the nine year war that led to more than 25,000 deaths and 110,000 injuries among American and coalition troops would last not more than six months.

Whatever the President does or doesn’t do, a rabid minority will attack him and stuff their suggestions with the vileness of hate and politics. Most suggestions are based on ignorance and are easily dismissed.

But, there is one possible suggestion that may have merit.

On Sean Hannity’s Fox TV show, Phil Robertson, the Duck Dynasty patriarch and one of the world’s greatest military and diplomatic strategists, suggested that America tell ISIS fighters either to convert or be killed.

Millions of Americans-who called radical Muslims who preached such a doctrine, “barbarians” or “terrorists”-don’t seem to have a problem with converting Muslims to Christianity, the one true religion.

While Robertson had a good idea, he didn’t explain any way to implement it.

I do.

First, take a couple of Marine infantry regiments. Place them into Iraq. Make sure each soldier has an M-16, which in fully automatic mode can fire 800 rounds a minute and is one of the weapons the NRA believes all Americans should have a right to possess but only, they caution, as an AR-15 in semi-automatic mode. After all, those deer can be quite elusive.

Next, make sure every soldier also has a duck call. I recommend Duck Commander’s Homeland Security duck call. It’s only about $150 each, or about $1.5 million retail if both regiments are at full strength. This sale will help spur the American war economy. The soldiers will use the quackers to lure and mesmerize the ISIS fighters.

The Robertson clan needs to be on the front lines as decoys. Because the clan looks like terrorists, the ISIS terrorists will think long-haired, bearded scarf-wearing camouflaged Robertsons are kin-folk.

When the terrorists are rounded up, bring out the support troops-a company of white Southern Baptist preachers. The terrorists will be given a choice. Allow the preachers to dunk them into the Tigris or Euphrates rivers, the source of what we believe is civilization, or face hell-fire-and-brimstone from M-16s.

Some may suggest that Islam, primarily a peace-loving religion whose Koran shares much of the Old and New Testaments, is tainted by a minority of radical terrorists. They may claim that to even suggest a convert-or-be-killed philosophy is in itself not just the reflection of bigotry and hatred but can be seen as little more than a terrorist threat. Nonsense. Isn’t it no less than treason to doubt the wisdom of a millionaire duck call manufacturer and his legions of followers who drool over Reality TV and the “fair and balanced” network that gave air time to present the best suggestion that Fox News ever transmitted?

History suggests the convert-or-be-killed strategy that the Chief Duck Caller proposed should be effective. After all, Roman Catholics during the Inquisition converted about 100,000 Jews, most of whom took Christian names. The ones who weren’t “convinced” that Christianity was the one true religion were burned at the stake or exiled.  Of course, most of the converts also practiced Judaism secretly, but as long as they pretended to be Christians, that’s all that matters. Naturally, the Jews weren’t alone-there were and still are many pretend Christians.

Certainly, Jesus, who was born, lived, and died a Jew, would want everyone to be killed who doesn’t believe in the religion that others founded in his name. Disregard the fact that the Koran and the Bible share much of the same wisdom and history embodied within the Jewish Torah. Disregard the reality that that Islam and Christianity are brother religions, descendants of Judaism. This is 2014, and Christianity is the one true religion.

The convert-or-kill philosophy, espoused by the duck callers and millions of others, is just what the American democracy needs to wipe out terrorists, Muslims, and all non-believers.

Quack. Quack.

[Dr. Brasch, an award-winning columnist and satirist, is author of 20 books that combine history and contemporary social issues. His latest book is Fracking Pennsylvania.]

Nigerian Faces Federal Terrorism Charges

The Nigerian man who attempted to start a fire inside a Northwest Airlines (Delta) plane on Christmas day has been charged with multiple felonies.  Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab says he was affiliated with Al Qaeda in Yemen but investigation of those connections will have to be done by the FBI.  Al Qaeda is active in Yemen and that is the homeland of many terrorist leaders and operatives.

This is the proper method for countering terrorism:  investigate, arrest and prosecute.  It appears we got lucky this time because he got through airport security in Amsterdam.  Unfortunately we cannot control every aspect of security at every airport.

I wonder if this is revenge for all those of us who refused to suckered into the Nigerian bank scam.  Maybe if a few of us actually had some money left in our bank accounts we could have appeased these bankers (the man’s father works for a Nigerian bank).  Maybe we can use the Nigerian fraud letters as justification for nuking the country off the face of the earth.  After all it doesn’t take much for the U.S. to justify any invasion.  According to Cheney’s 1% doctrine this would be sufficient.  OK< enough of the sarcasm.  Prepare for even worse security nightmares after this debacle.  Soon we’ll all be strip searched at the airport.  

Limbaugh Cannot Accept the Truth of 9-11

Crossposted from Hillbilly Report.

9-11 should not be a political statement for anyone. It should be a sad day of remembrence that many people died because of hatred and incompetence. However, since the very day it occured it has constantly been used as a hammer to pound the agenda of a miguided bunch people with an unenlightened vision of the world down everyone else’s throat.  

Before going any further I think it is important to note that here at Hillbilly Report we simply do not condone the use of the Hillbilly Heroin. It makes you into Rush Limbaugh.

Now, these very people and their “leader” cannot simply commemorate those who died and honor their families, but they must continue trying to use the tragedy to try and score shameless political points like their President that thankfully has since been retired to Texas did in response to the incident.

Just listen to Oxymoron Rush Limbaugh spouting out some more of his mindless drivel for the masses:

What I would like to ask Rush Limbaugh is why would the President not ask that Americans honor the victims of 9-11 by giving service to their communities?? I mean, a whole lot of the people that died on that day and in the aftermath were their giving service to their communities by trying to help others. Men and women of our armed forces that have died in the corresponding wars were there giving service to their nation. Does Rush Limbaugh think that everyone is this nation sits on their fat, lazy butt eating Oxycontin like M&Ms spouting lies about and insulting everyone else?? Of course he cannot understand the concept of a “day of service” because he and the folks that think like him simply do not believe in serving anything but their own selfish interests and failed vision of a pre-enlightened world. The truth of 9-11 is that thankfully in this world there are people who unlike Limbaugh believe in risking themselves for the greater good of their neighbors and country.

And what is the other truth of 9-11 that Limbaugh and his ilk seek to avoid?? The true fact of the matter is that they used 9-11 over and again in the years following it to stifle discussion, silence critics, and steal away generations of Constitutional protections. They shamelessly misled the American people into going to war in the wrong country and wasted thousands more lives and at or over a trillion dollars in national treasure. With Limbaugh as the fattest, ugliest cheerleader to ever don a mini-skirt singing their praises, they made 9-11 a publicity stunt.

And what is yet another truth that Limbaugh refuses to acknowledge?? A Republican Adminstration that is supposed to be “tough on terror” was completely and totally incompetent and that incompetence contributed greatly to the events themselves. When their fearless leader was handed a memo warning of the attacks before the attacks he could not even come off of vacation to WORK and stop them. When they actually occured, he appeared as a deer in the headlights and gazed stupidly into space showing no strength or decisiveness whatsoever.

Then, cheered on all the while by Limbaugh that leader led us into the wrong country to punish the wrong person and settle a personal agenda instead of avenging American victims of the attacks. Now, years later a new leader is still mired in and trying to leave Iraq, while deciding whether to finish the job his predessesor should have long concluding bringing the mastermind of those attacks to justice.

In response to their own incompetence and absent vision, and once again encouraged by Limbaugh, they then preceded to stifle critics by calling them cowards, and traitors and stole generations of Constitutional protections from American citizens to try and cover-up and justify their own shameless and inexcusable incompetence.

Before Limbaugh or any Republican or Democrat for that matter who enabled George W. Bush should remember before critisizing anyone else about their response to 9-11 and how they choose to honor the dead of that event is that another hard truth of this passing of the 9-11 anniversery is that Barack Obama has now kept our country safe longer than George W. Bush.