Failed prognosticator Punxsutawny Phil has been indicted in Ohio and could face the death penalty. On February 2nd, the famed groundhog predicted an early spring. Amid snow flurries this morning I decided to organize a posse to visit the western Pennsylvania community where rumor has it the lying rodent is holed up. According to this press account the weasel is protected by a police station next door to Gobblers Knob. There must be a Dunkin Donuts near by (they’re everywhere after all) so let’s grab a few dozen donuts and distract the cops, grab the lying bastard and take him to Ohio to face justice.