Corbett to Ban All Smoking

In light of two recent house explosions due to natural gas seepage Gov. Tom Corbett has decided he will ban all smoking in Pennsylvania.  The extreme measure will result in a substantial revenue loss but he thinks cutting medical reimbursements to hospitals for lung cancer treatments will offset the loss.  A man was standing in his driveway in McKean County when his house blew up.  Gas seeping up from hydraulic fracking in the area exploded within the house (another home also blew up in the area) and gas workers confirmed the natural gas lines to the home were intact and not leaking.

As a result Corbett feels it is becoming too dangerous for residents of the Commonwealth to smoke.  Anywhere.  Gas is now leaking into water supplies, pastures and homes.  Therefore smoking and the lighting of anything flammable is becoming too dangerous.  His first solution is to eliminate cigarette and cigar smoking.  Cooking, fireplaces and furnaces may be next in his fight to protect the industry from interference and regulation.  

The Governor will go to any length to protect an industry which contributed almost a million dollars to his campaign.  With this action today he will officially get into bed with the drillers.  I’d ask whether he’s a top or bottom but I figure if you’re in bed with drillers you’re taking it up the ass.  Anyone who thought Corbett, with his blue eyes and handsome face would stop short of prostituting himself to become Governor is an April Fool.

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