Planning the Palin-Johnston Nuptials

I’m thinking the Palins haven’t gotten their pregnant daughter married off to the father because Sarah and her shotgun are busy at the moment.  Since none of us wants the specter og Republican Family Values producing a bastard I’m going to take the liberty of planning the wedding for the Palins.

First I think the appropriate venue for the ceremony is the Wasilla Church of God which invited the leader of “Jews For Jesus” to preach at the altar.  Since there’s no such thing (aside from Joe Lieberman) as a Jewish Republican this shouldn’t cramp the guest list.

The reception will be at the hockey rink Sarah had built at a cost of indebting her town $20 million and where young Levi made his mark (the other one).  Each table will include a centerpiece featuring a key to the outhouse out back.

Because the colder weather is beginning to settle in in Alaska each guest is asked to wear their best moose coat.

Entertainment will be a helicopter wolf shooting contest.  Please bring your own rifle.  No bag limit.

The meal will be wild bear meat with sides of salmon salad (with plenty of oil), baked beans and greens.  No dairy products will be available since the Governor privatized the dairy and it’s now too expensive.  China has kindly consented to provide some Cadbury chocolates for dessert however.

A gas pipeline will be built to provide guests with relief from the baked beans.

Guests are requested to bring gifts for the bride and groom.  Special requests include:



snow plows (since the Guv vetoed them in her budget)

baby clothes



pacifiers (for the Governor, actually)

condoms (for the next time)

contributions to the teen moms center Sarah cut funding for

hunting clothes

shotguns and rifles

barbecue grill

Sears catalogs for the outhouse

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